Be A Light.

Shot by: @Jamnotjelly_photography

My nickname is Rae Of Sunshine. I love when people call me Sunshine for short. Someone asked me a couple of years ago, “where did the sunshine go?” And in all actuality, I didn’t know where my light went, because I didn’t see it either. I was hurting and didn’t know what to feel or how to move forward. Hurt wasn’t even the word, I felt more broken than anything. God how could you let all this happen to me?

What do you do, when your light is dim? How do I trust God when I’m hurting? How do I live out His word when I’m in pain? Is it possible to be a light when I feel empty?

So this incredible book tells me I’m a light that can’t be hidden. I love it, but sometimes I’d rather hide. Just sometimes, I’d like to do what I want to do, based on how I feel in that moment, but I have to be a light by default, right? Let’s use 2020 as an example and what a year to use! This year is dramatic, I mean Tyler Perry can’t even top this. The world is showing its tail, literally from the pandemic, the mask rebellion, the system and the media. What can happen next? It’s almost impossible to be positive in this time, it’s like we forgot in the middle of all this, that God is good and His expectations have never changed. Just because things aren’t the way we think or hoped they should be, God is still and always will be good. However, everyone’s letting us know, in every way that they can, that we are living in a dark time. So, who is going to be the light right now? IF God says “you are the light of the world” then why is the world stopping you from living that out?

Being a light doesn’t require perfection, it requires obedience. Obedience comes with believing.

Let’s dive a little deeper Champs. A few years ago I faced betrayal across the board, from friends, family and it even felt like in this season that God Himself was betraying me. Nowhere was a safe place for me. I had 3 friends and they didn’t know how to help me out of this trauma. I felt like all eyes were on me to see how I would handle these things each time. Now, pre-saved me would’ve laid hands and hoped that they would recover, amen! But thank God, we don’t think like that anymore.

Let me give y’all the tea, God was working for me the whole time. I wanted to show everyone how hurt I was. I wasn’t going to go to church, I wasn’t going to talk to anyone, I was going to cut off my family and throw in some slugs on social media for some razzle dazzle. Go off sis, right? Depression creeped in real sneaky-like. Once again, living was the challenge every day I woke up. One thing I did know, is that the enemy is not too creative, but definitely crafty. I knew I had to go hard, but I couldn’t win this one alone. I couldn’t fold, that’s not even how I’m built. I started praying like no other, I needed an answer, and at that very moment. God spoke loud and clear to me...

“You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.”

Matthew 5:14

So I’m a light, got it. I can’t be hidden, got it. Now I have to shine out for all to see, in everything I do, let me think. Whew! I didn’t think I was ready for that one. My first thoughts were, “God do you see what is happening though?” as if He can’t see everything. I have to live out His word, when everything is going good and I have to keep that same energy when things aren’t going according to my plan, because they are definitely going according to His. It bothered me when people said “I don’t see how you do it” because it made me I realize this wasn’t happening to me, it was happening through me. I didn’t stay down for long because God chose me for this task. He wouldn’t give me something, He couldn’t trust me with. God trusted me to be the light he called me to be.

God you are really like that, cause I didn’t know that was in me.

I chose to carry Matthew 5:14 with me for four years and never lost sight of His word no matter what my situation looked like. I still went to counseling, hey I’m still in counseling actually. I wasn’t going to allow the enemy to have room in my life. I set a prayer and worship time, and thanked God that His will would be done. I didn’t stop once I felt like I was making progress. I was used to being hurt, so I didn’t trust people during it all, either. I felt alone more times than not, but I believed God was working everything together for my good. One day in my prayer time I heard “it’s in you”. I broke down because I knew exactly what it meant. Everything I was second guessing, God had already placed within me. I didn’t have to carry sadness and anger, the light was in me. Right then I thanked God for showing me who he said I was. A light, that couldn’t be hidden no matter how hard I tried. Things that weren’t attached to Him, couldn’t stay attached to me. Now I know how to move when I’m faced with darkness.

So now, here comes 2020, real big and chaotic but God is bigger, argue with someone else. I challenged myself this year. No matter the situation, I’d be obedient and step back so God can step forward in me. 2020 is our year as believers to shine out and not be hidden when things aren’t going the way we thought. We know what His word says, so we have to act accordingly. Be a light, now is the time.

-Rae of Sunshine